I'm not falling for it this time. It knows, I'm telling you, it KNOWS when I've decided that I've had enough and it's time for a haircut. Then it decides to f*** with my head, so to speak, and look FAAAAABULOUS, with practically no effort on my part. And it mocks me...it looks at me in the mirror and says "look at me...I'm FAAAAABULOUS...you know it's true...you can't cut me now!" But I'm resolute. I say "oh no you don't! I've fallen for this before, but not again! I have an appointment, and I'm keeping it, dammit!". Then it tries another tack..."please, I'll be good this time! Don't cut me...I'll be silky, shiny, and swingy, all day, every day." And it is silky, shiny and swingy. It IS fabulous.
So I fall for it...and then an hour after I've canceled my appointment, I look in the mirror. An entire family of squirrels has moved in. There are twigs and dead leaves hanging off the side of my head. Ouch, what the hell was that....oh, that must have been their stash of acorns. They're heavy when they land on your foot. And it looks back at me. "Sucka!" it says. "They'll be booked til Thanksgiving, and you're stuck with me now! Go ahead and try to get these squirrels out...and if you do, don't worry! When the class hamster comes home, I'm sure he'd love a break from the Habitrail! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Not this time. I'm going to cut you this time. I'm going to cut all of you...and then I'll let your homies know who done it.