Sunday, December 30, 2007

But Wait! There's More!

We had a key crisis a couple of days before Christmas.
What's a key crisis, you ask?
That's when I lose my keys (not just misplace them) and I descend into a full hyperventilating panic. See, that's one of my many charms...I can hold it together really well in major crises, but when little things go wrong and screw up my plans, I'm a firebreathing lunatic mass of exposed nerve endings. My mother-in-law and I tore apart her house and my car (with a flashlight, because OF COURSE it was dark out. What fun is losing your keys in broad daylight?). She finally convinced me that we weren't going to find them, and she drove us all home. When my husband got home, he went over there with the spare set and came home with my car about an hour later...having NOT found the keys. (I was kind of glad about that, because he left the house with an insufferable there-goes-the-drama-queen-again smirk and if he'd found them, he'd have been unfit to live with. Assuming I didn't kill him. But I digress)
So next day (the day of the White House visit), I found my keys, wedged in the grate just below the windshield.
Woomp, there they is.
A little embarrassing, and it got my son started again on the subject of The Buxton Organizer. He's fascinated with order by mail products advertised on TV...he wants me to buy the Betty Crocker Cake Decorating Kit, the craft-lady cutter tool that makes all kinds of fancy paper cuts (because "cutting a straight line with scissors? NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE!"), and the Vidalia slicer (kind of 2007 combination of a Salad Shooter and a Ginsu knife). If he's watching TV, he'll come find me in the kitchen and physically drag me to watch these commercials, because he's so touchingly convinced that the quality of my life will be dramatically improved if I buy these miracle products. "See Mommy, it has a HOOK for your keys, so you can NEVER LOSE THEM! And a FLASHLIGHT! And a spot for your phone so you won't have to get mad and throw stuff when it rings and you can't find it and you get really mad and say that word that you tell me not to repeat! See?"
I have no idea what word he is referring to. Ahem.


Wyldth1ng said...

More what?

Sauntering Soul said...

I have seen that Buxton Organizer commercial approximately 9,000 times in the past two days (I'm sick again and have been on the couch watching way too much tv). I love the way the guy pronounces "genuine" when he's talking about the genuine leather.

I have a friend who loves Walmart so much that she goes in there really early before work some days. She was almost three hours late for work one morning and when she arrived I asked her where she had been and if everything was okay. She had been looking at something in Walmart and put her keys down on a shelf, forgot them and walked off. She and half of Walmart's staff spent over two hours looking for them all through the store.

Spartacus said...

CDP- Please remind your son that nothing says "Dork" louder than a fanny pack during a summer vacation or someone carrying around a Buxton organizer. You need to do what every red-blooded American female 8-80 is doing and get yourself a knockoff (and really ugly) Vera Bradley bag; that is if you don't already have one or ten.

DCup said...

Whatever you do, don't take your son into one of the "As Seen on TV" stores. His head will explode.

I know, my kids nearly hyperventalited when we made the mistake of stopping at a gas station in Tennessee that one of those stores attached to it.

Suze said...

I haven't seen one set of my car keys since 2003!

CDP said...

Wyld--you know, like the old commercials for Ginsu knives and other miracle products..."but wait, there's more!"

SS--I hope you're better now. Is that not the ugliest genu-wine leather bag you've ever seen?

Spartacus--Don't worry, I'd sooner wear an embroidered sweatshirt and thick soled white mallwalkers than be caught dead with a fanny pack. And Vera Bradley? Bite your tongue

DCup--I've never seen one of them here...thank God!

Suze--I started to get fuzzy during my first pregnancy. My cognitive ability has not returned, unfortunately.

FranIAm said...

Sheesh CDP, you scare me sometimes. We have a lot of things in common and this is one of them. Although I would like to point out that I went into this high end lotion/potion store in Albany today and thought of you when I walked out with what I intended to buy.

Big crisis- bring it on. Keys? My iPod? My cell phone? Yarrrrrrrrhhhhhgggggggh!

And I loose them often.

And the Buxton Organizer? F- that!

My advice, and this is for the cafeteria Catholic in you, should you chose to accept it.

St Anthony, St Anthony please come around... Something is lost and can't be found.

St Anthony, St Anthony please come to me, there is something that I need but I can not see!

(i added the second verse and present it to you with affection.)

Sometimes I think it is just the act of stopping to say the prayer.

Mostly I think it is Anthony!

Whiskeymarie said...

I think I'd rather have to walk everywhere than carry that fugly bag. No amount of organization is worth humiliating yourself like that.

CDP said...

Fran--I have said that in moments of desperation! I remember having been taught (the first verse) by the nuns in the parochial school I attended

WM--exactly! I'd sooner strap all my stuff to my body like rounds of ammo than be seen with that bag.

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