Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Getting Down with My Bad Bad Self (Sing it Sister Remix)

It's 8 pm or so. The boys have just finished their bath and they're in their pajamas. I'm wearing a tshirt and yoga pants...I get my running shoes, my iPod, and my water bottle. I'm heading toward the train room (that's the room where the treadmill is, so-called because the train set resides there), and I hear the 6yo call to his little brother "come on! Mommy's going to do the funny music!"


Wait just one minute--the walls in our 1969-built ranch house are not soundproof?


My children consider my inspired vocal stylings "funny music"?


Whaaaaat?


Here's what I do. I turn the music up, I lock the door, I get on the treadmill, and I sing. I sing loudly. I'm pretty sure that if someone happened past the room during "Irreplaceable", they'd say "damn! Beyonce's here, running* on the treadmill!"

*"running" should be read as "walking pretty darn fast"


Here's what my children do. They sit in their pajamas in the hallway outside the train room, shrieking with laughter at the "funny music" playing within. How sharper than a damn serpent's tooth, is all I can say.


I'll leave you with a partial set list from my last (meaning most recent, not final...'cause I was BORN TO SING and snickering children will not stop me!) "funny music" performance.


"Irreplaceable"(Beyonce). I always accompany my vocals with the "go on, take your sorry ass outta here" hand gestures befitting a woman wronged.


"Midnight Train to Georgia"(Gladys Knight and the Pips). There are always 2 performances of MTTG: In performance #1, I am a Pip. In performance #2, we're scheduled to go on and no one can find Gladys. A phone rings...Gladys has been unavoidably detained. I'm the only female Pip, and the show must go on. I step up to the mike, confident but reserved...and I blow the roof off the joint.
Sometimes, I sing that one a third time.

"For You" (Bruce Springsteen). Because sometimes my life IS one long emergency.

"Heart of Stone" (Erasure). When I put my iPod on shuffle, sometimes I can skip through songs that I really love, but just don't feel like hearing at the time. "Heart of Stone" is a song that I must listen to (and sing) whenever it plays.

"If I Can't Change Your Mind" (Sugar). Ditto "Heart of Stone".

"Somebody to Love" (Queen). The fact that I am a heterosexual suburban American mother of 2 children does not for one moment stop me from BEING Freddie Mercury when this song is playing. God rest that man's soul.


29 comments:

Suze said...

I wouldn't laugh at you. Only because I walk on the treadmill sometimes singing along with Michael Jackson's greatest hits.

DCup said...

I love this! First of all, it's a great bit of storytelling. And second - hey, you sing. Good for you. Seriously, I was told so many times that I couldn't sing that I wouldn't sing with earphones in if I were locked in the bottom of deep, deep well in the middle of the desert.

And to think, all my wasted hand gestures and facial expressions because I won't sing.

Fab, post, CDP.

Sauntering Soul said...

OMG when will your boys figure out how to sneak a camera in the train room to tape this for us? My mom was never as cool and fun as you are!

Today I had to listen to my co-worker practice Spanish while listening to on-line language lessons. It was pretty funny.

Spartacus said...

Okay, our parallel universes must have collided at some point today because as I was walking out of work today, the iPod was tuned to The Motels' "Only The Lonely." Just as Martha Davis was finishing that tender first verse with "we kissed altogether wrong. No intentions.." there I was hands in air holding imaginary drumsticks ready to pound the snare and symbols to start verse two.

For me, that is one of the coolest songs to which to air drum. Of course the tourists walking out of The Museum of Sex on 26th & 5th Ave. thought I was embarrassingly hilarious. I'm just glad I can make someone's day. LOL.

Great post CDP.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I can hear you now. And it's not as bad as the boys make it out to be.

CDP said...

Suze--see, I knew you'd understand

Dcup--Thanks! And I didn't say that I COULD sing, only that I DO.

SS--Yet another blog friend who I'll need to keep away from my sons...they don't need any ideas!

Spartacus--I love that song. I'll have to get it, I don't have it.

Dr. M--"Not as bad"? No, I'm AWESOME...weren't you reading? Sheesh. :)

FranIAm said...

Not only have you written yet another brilliant post, but you can sing too.

You can sing- right?!

Loving the whole notion of this scenario.

I myself work out at the Y, so not much singing.

Sometimes I am watching MSNBC and some idiot will say something and I will make a noise. Or worse yet GWB will say something and I say "fuck" really audibly.

This has happened twice and so far no one has thrown me out.

CDP said...

Fran--I can sing a little, I sang in choirs for a long time, but I'm not a soloist...unless I'm strapped with headphones and on a nice loud treadmill. I do this while I'm walking the neighborhood too, but not as loudly...I also keep the gesturing to a minimum when I'm in public.

3carnations said...

For now, my son loves it when I sing. I know that won't last forever! Occasionally he admonishes hubby with "Goodbye thing, you sing too long." (ala Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss). That always makes me smile. :)

CDP said...

3Carn--My older boy was a HUGE Hop on Pop fan...my sister in law is an opera singer, and he still says that to her!

3carnations said...

That's funny!

~JJ! said...

Ha! That's funny.

I have a question.

How do you sing and breathe as you are running at the same time...???

Worker Mommy said...

The post title alone is pure comedy...oh but the picture I have in my head after reading the post...well now that's just priceless.

CDP said...

jj--see, "running" is just a code word for walking pretty fast. Because "walking" is what your grandmother does at the mall at 7 am wearing thick white sneakers. "Running" is what cool athletic young people like ourselves do.

WM--unless my kids manage to get in touch with Miss Sauntering Soul over there, the picture will remain only in your head!

Whiskeymarie said...

Now I feel bad for quietly ridiculing the dude at Target yesterday who had his headphones on and was half-singing and playing "air drums".

I can't listen to music when I'm out hiking/half-assed running/walking because I'm pretty sure I would walk right into the path of an oncoming bus, such is my dedication to the music.

CDP said...

WM--if that guy didn't actually GIVE BIRTH TO YOU (and did I mention that kid # 1 weighed over 10 pounds and came out the old-fashioned way?), then you are permitted to ridicule him!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

When I'm treadmilling I'm too busy trying to breath to be able to sing, but I make the effort on the warm up and cool down. I have no children to hear or comment on my "funny music" but the cat's ears are always flat when I sing.

Go Gladys!

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