There are times in history when one must take a stand, when one must face all that's evil and unholy and tell it where it gets off.
Now is such a time. On Sunday, January 20, my blog was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Franistan.
Fran and her minions Dguzman, Ubermilf, and Dr. Zaius (hereafter to be referred to as the Axis of Evil) have united in a conspiracy so sinister, so unspeakably inhuman, that all who value right and good must speak out against this monstrous plot against the Candy of Democracy.
Fran thinks that she enters this war with a "coalition of the willing". I suggest that one eccentric New Yorker, one Pennsylvania bird-chaser, one cupcake-wielding Chicago MILF, and one simian politician do not a coalition make. Regarding her so-called "intelligence reports"? Readers should know that she banished the confectionery inspectors (and is in fact endeavoring to convince Colin Powell to present her "evidence" before the UN).
The great patriots Robert Rouse and Fairlane have joined me in defense of democratic ideals and nearly-all-sugar candy here and abroad (that's right, we're nation-building), and we seek the brave and right-thinking to join us. This anti-Necco aggression WILL NOT STAND. We will fight them in the drugstores, we will fight them in the 7-11s, we will fight them in the specialty candy shops, we will NEVER SURRENDER.
Monday, January 21, 2008
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This is my place, and these are my people
I'm OBVIOUSLY Not the Only Person Who Needs to Get a Job:
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OK, I'm over it now
21 comments:
Ha! Your Necco Wafers are no match for the rich, creamy goodness of my Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups!
Your miserable wafers quake with fear at the fearsome sound of my delicious Peanut Butter Cups.
Yeah...um..I gotta kind of agree with Fran et al...
Sorry, dear.
I have fired another salvo at the enemy!
http://tinyurl.com/2p9ds6
On the candy chain, Necco Wafers are in the middle for me.
Does that make me Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama?
I too am neither here nor there with the Neccos.
If you need a diplomatic "middle" for negotiations, let me know.
Bury me with my Necco wafers...when they exhume my body they will still have survived...not so the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!
BTW, I'm a "Roupie" so whatever war Rouse is rousting about, I'm totally there!
NECCOs Forever!
Another cool thing about Necco's is, after you freeze them you can put them in one of those toy guns that shoots discs, and blast people with them.
Long live the Necco, and a plague upon her enemies.
I'm 39 years old and I've never even seen a Necco wafer.
Dr. Z--when this struggle enters the desert, as it certainly will, your Reese's cups will be nothing but melted goo (which we will scrape off our boots...hahahahaha!)
WM--You now form the West Coast contingent of the Axis of Evil. For shame.
RR--Excellent! I'm coming right over there!
Dcup--tee hee!
WhiskeyMarie--Thank you, we look forward to our invitations to Camp Pooter
DD--another recruit! Welcome!
Fairlane--I like your strategic thinking!
SS--I know, I don't think you see them south of the M/D line.
Oh my. Do I need to import some Necco Wafers and run them over to Sauntering Soul?
You call them "patriots"--we call them "enemy candy-combatants!" We will smoke you out! We will prevail! The Anti-Necco Nations are the greatest force for good in history! Prepare for the shock and awe of our Almond Joys!
This is precisely the problem with the anti-Necco forces. They will lose the war because of bitter infighting. The Almond Joyous will attempt to usurp the authority of the Reese's through a coup d' taste.
Dguzman is right...
We will continue to fight the forces of Necco evil!
As we speak the Department of Candy Security is at work making sure that our borders are secure.
We are distributing Reese's Peanut Butter Cups at the airports and ports.
Our Almond Joy Army will pave a road to peace and prosperity that is free of the dry and dusty legacy that is the Necco wafer.
Necco and neocon are similar words and for a reason. Progressives and liberals will agree that the dry, flat, dusty and bad tasting discs are a reminder of the past.
Rich, chocolately good candies like PB Cups, Almond Joys and more Kisses than you can imagine will be the way to a bright and brave future for all.
As for Robert Rouse, dizzi dessi and Fairlane, your cells at Neccuantamo await you.
DCup- nice politicking, riding the middle of the road. You will do well no matter who prevails.
dguzman--I'll give you shock and awe. We can't eat Neccos at every meal...maybe we'll invite Elmer Fudd to make us some wabbit stew!
RR--Exactly! They can't even stay on candy message!
Fran--"Necco and neocon"? That's as low a blow as has been struck in this battle. The ground skirmishes must now begin.
I'm with you sister. Necco goodness must be defended at all costs.
"Wabbit stew" -- YOU GO TOO FAR!
You've brought this on yourself! This is indeed a day of destiny! A day of DOOM! I call for the Nestlear Option! Expect death from the skies, in the form of the FIA (FranIAm) Granola Gay, dropping the mother of all Crunch Bars on your evildoer ayses!
The Four Heathbars of the Apocalypse will ride rough-shod over your Necco-lovin' lands! Niblet will be avenged!
"Granola Gay"...that took me a second, but I got it. You are killing me!
Of course a poop-eating monkey would enjoy the taste of Necco wafers.
The more advanced primates know that dusty, vaguely-flavored discs fashioned from mysterious and barely edible chemical compounds are not candy.
They are not natural.
They are not wholesome.
They are not fit for human consumption.
Viva la Necco!
The Free State of Neecoland
I feel as though I am caught in a no-man's land here. I feel like that farmer in Pennsylvania whose wheat field was turned into a killing ground on that fateful July Day in 1863.
So tell me...will the Necco forces be charging across the field of Candyland to overrun the evil forces of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Army? Will there corn syrup running in once-clear streams?
Will I need to channel my inner Walt Whitman and pen some verse for the fallen?
Can't we all just get along?
Spartacus--yes, you might become the poet laureate of this particular war...or we might come to you for help with a peaceful resolution.
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