There are times in history when one must take a stand, when one must face all that's evil and unholy and tell it where it gets off.
Now is such a time. On Sunday, January 20, my blog was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Franistan.
Fran and her minions Dguzman, Ubermilf, and Dr. Zaius (hereafter to be referred to as the Axis of Evil) have united in a conspiracy so sinister, so unspeakably inhuman, that all who value right and good must speak out against this monstrous plot against the Candy of Democracy.
Fran thinks that she enters this war with a "coalition of the willing". I suggest that one eccentric New Yorker, one Pennsylvania bird-chaser, one cupcake-wielding Chicago MILF, and one simian politician do not a coalition make. Regarding her so-called "intelligence reports"? Readers should know that she banished the confectionery inspectors (and is in fact endeavoring to convince Colin Powell to present her "evidence" before the UN).
The great patriots Robert Rouse and Fairlane have joined me in defense of democratic ideals and nearly-all-sugar candy here and abroad (that's right, we're nation-building), and we seek the brave and right-thinking to join us. This anti-Necco aggression WILL NOT STAND. We will fight them in the drugstores, we will fight them in the 7-11s, we will fight them in the specialty candy shops, we will NEVER SURRENDER.