Thursday, March 6, 2008

and BTW? Barack Obama is a Scientologist...

Another of my mother's frequent emails, warning us of cell phone telemarketers, guys who hide under women's cars at the mall, and the cat-killing properties of the Swiffer Wet Jet:

-----Original Message-----
From: [mailto:@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 3:20 PM
To: CDP, Sister, Sister, Brother
Subject: Cell Phone #'s
Cell phone numbers going public 3/7/08
Reminder...all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies tomorrow and you will start
to receive sales calls. YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR
THESE CALLS!
To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your times and it blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number.
Help others by passing this on to all your friends.
It takes about 20 seconds.

My Response:

-----Original Message-----
From: CDP
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 3:25 PM
To: Mom, Sister, Sister, Brother
Subject: RE: Cell Phone #'s


Did you hear about those kids in New Jersey?
They were parking in a remote country area, and they heard scratching at the car door. As they were driving home, there were reports on the radio about a man with a hook for a hand...he'd recently escaped from the insane asylum and had brutally murdered several "parking" couples...he was still on the loose. The boy and girl looked at each other, remembering the scratching...then they just laughed and said "nah...couldn't be!"

When the boy went to open the girl's car door when they arrived at her house...HE FOUND THE HOOK STILL ATTACHED TO THE CAR DOOR! TRUE STORY! DON'T GO PARKING IN THE PINE BARRENS!


My Sister's Response:

From: @.us.com>
To: CDP, Mom, Brother, Sister
Date: 03/06/08 15:46
Subject: RE: Cell Phone #'s

I would think that was funny but I just woke up and my kidney is
gone.....help!!!!

28 comments:

DCup said...

I'm guessing that mama CDP offered to come up and give you a slap?

You still crack me up, too!

And I thought Barack Obama was a wiccan!

You learn something new everyday. Thank goodness for those forwarded emails.....

CDP said...

Dcup--there's a reason why I live 100 miles away. Tee hee. We just got the "go ahead and laugh, smart ass" response from her; I might post that, too.

Whiskeymarie said...

And this one time? This babysitter? Was high? And she totally microwaved a cat?

Did you hear?

The Guv'ner said...

Ahaha my mum sends these kinds of things too. I don't know who writes these emails in the beginning. But whoever that is is probably foaming at the mouth and simultaneously wetting their pants with the excitement and sheer indignance.

Snort at your response. I'm never again parking in such places and I'd probably be dead right now if not for your kind warning.

Worker Mommy said...

You get that shit too ? My mother in law (my husband's stepmother - I distinguish only because I adore his biological mom and wouldn't dare say a bad thing about her) sends me the most ridiculous stuff. I got all the Obama emails and warning crap .
I was so happy when my SIL sent an email to the group and said "You might want to check Snopes on most of this stuff before sending it"

Of course she never does...she still sends the same crap, only she deleted my sister in law from her distribution list. *sigh*

CDP said...

WM (MSP)--That one's true, man, it totally happened in my neighborhood.

Guv'ner--I always look out for your safety.

WM (SEA)--If it's not crazy warnings, it's jokes that first made the rounds in 2001, and she sends them like they're brand new.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

This entire blog is just an urban legend, the reason I know that is because a little dog I picked up in Mexico told me that.

"That's no dog! It's a Mexican water rat!"

Okay, forget I said anything.

r cubed said...

Hilarious post. I fell for the cell phone thing a while back. I also fell for the "Bill Gates will send you money" thing. I know. My husband should probably fear for our life savings.

dguzman said...

Oh man... did they find the fingerprints of those kids that pushed them across the railroad tracks?

I have it on good authority that:
1. Barack Obama is a muslim/wiccan/druid
2. Hillary was responsible for the introduction of HMOs and PPOs and the general state of shit we call our healthcare system (heard that one this morning!)
3. If Obama is elected, the blacks and browns of this country are going to rally behind him, rise up against the whites, and start a new civil war! (again--this morning from the same person as #2)

CDP said...

Dr. M---see, the tail should have given you some idea.

R to the 3rd--My other sister also responded the next day, saying that she was waiting for a big check from Bill Gates. I personally am counting on the inheritance from the gentleman in Nigeria who died intestate...

Dguzman--you and Dcup just need to consider Obama's full name, "Barrack Cruise Obama"...that makes the Scientology connection preeeettty clear, doesn't it?

Sauntering Soul said...

Hysterical!

BeckEye said...

Ha ha ha ha. I love this. My family calls me "The Debunker" because I'm addicted to Snopes.com and I'm constantly proving their stupid chain email bullshit wrong.

CDP said...

After my mom sent her "go ahead and laugh, smart-ass" email, I emailed back that I was going to take my newly acquired Mexican puppy to the vet, since I was worried about his rodent-like tail. She emailed back "I hope the little rat bites your ass. And that he has rabies"
So sensitive, some people!

FranIAm said...

"DON'T GO PARKING IN THE PINE BARRENS!"

The Pineys. They get you with the hook every time.

BTW isn't Barack Obama a Muslim Wiccan Scientologist?

Oh. I have to go. I just got an email telling me I need to help this nice sounding African gentlemen get his money taken care of and I will actually get about $34 million for helping.

Cool! I just hope it doesn't involve a trip to the Pine Barrens.

WendyB said...

Bwah! Your sister's response is great. Everyone used to send me those alarmist email until I sent out a stern mass-reply that people better check snopes.com before bothering me with some 15-year-old rumor.

CDP said...

Fran--You're too late, I have already claimed the Nigerian gentleman's vast fortune, as I was foresighted enough to provide my banking information to the helpful official who is assisting me in this transaction.

WendyB--My mom has steadfastly refused to comply with my request, escalating to plea, escalating to demand, that she cease and desist with the crazy emails.

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