Freshman comp sucks.
This could be the thesis statement for the research paper I'm writing now (the last paper for this class, which ends on May 2, and not one moment too soon). Unfortunately, we can't just write about whatever inspires us; we were given a list of topics from which to choose. I have chosen Net Neutrality, a subject that is of marginal interest to me. This semester, I've written a defiinition paper, a compare/contrast paper, and a persuasion paper (and if these idiotic assignments continue, let's see if I can persuade myself to finish school this time). For those of you who finished college 20 years ago, isn’t it nice to know that some things never change?
Here are examples of the classic freshman comp genres. These will be apropos of absolutely nothing, devoid of emphatic organization and appropriate transition words, and lacking utterly in any citations, MLA-style or APA-style. You may post my grade in the comments.
Compare and Contrast:
Raw chocolate chip cookie dough, although an invitation to salmonella, is excellent (to those of you familiar with Philadelphia’s Main Line: When driving by Minella’s Diner, did you ever wonder if Mr. Minella’s first name was Salvatore?). Chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream is an abomination. I have no intention of offering anything to support either of these two assertions.
Compare and Contrast 2:
I like wearing black opaque tights in the winter, whether they’re current or not. They’re like a nice warm sock for your whole leg. I hate wearing sheer hose. Black opaque tights, with proper care, will last you from one presidential election to the next. Sheer hose will self-destruct almost immediately upon contact with your leg. The last pair of $11 sheer hose that I purchased exploded in my hand as soon as I removed it from the package. This seems like the perfect subject upon which to use the classic “man on the moon” argument. We figured out how to put the former on the latter, so why can’t sheer hose last for more than one wearing?
I define "reasonable rainfall" as that amount which is sufficient to ensure green grass, pretty flowers, and avoidance of drought. I define "excessive rainfall" as the nearly four inches that has fallen in Maryland in the last 24 hours.
There are Peanut M&Ms in the vending machine downstairs that have been calling my name since I got here this morning. It is very likely that I will be persuaded to buy them and eat them.