Tuesday, May 6, 2008

C is for Crazy, That's Good Enough for Me

It’s generally understood in our house that when I’m preparing or cleaning up a meal, the kitchen is my sole domain and fiefdom, inviolable and off-limits to intruders. This is why it sometimes takes me six hours to make grilled cheese sandwiches. And this is what happens when I let down my guard for just one moment and allow the invading hordes to take over.

Enter my kitchen as I bake cookies for an event at 6yo’s school:

3yo--Are the cookies ready yet?
Me--No, I'm still mixing the batter
(30 seconds elapse)
3yo--OK, NOW are they ready?
Me--No, they're still not in the oven.
(45 seconds later)
3yo—OK, how ‘bout NOW?

3yo--Can I have some cheese and crackers?
Me--No, because you're going to have cookies
(3yo commences rummaging through the kitchen)
Hey Mommy, LOOK! It's my raisins from lunch!
Me--OK, you can eat the raisins
3yo--(harumphing in disgust) I don't wanna eat RAISINS!

6yo--Are the cookies ready yet?
Me--No, they just went into the oven.
3yo--I think you should check them.

6yo--Can I have a Coke?
Me--Has the answer to that question ever been anything but no? I mean, I admire your persistence, but at some point, you have to realize the futility, right?
6yo--(aggrieved sighing) Why can't I have one Coke? Ahpa drinks Coke. Ahpa can drink a Coke whenever he wants to. I don't know why I can't have one Coke, one time. (more aggrieved sighing)
Me—Ahpa’s a 38-year-old job-holding, tax-paying, homeowning, child-rearing adult. When you are any combination of any two or more of the preceding, you can drink Coke til it bubbles out your nose. Come on over in 31 years and I’ll crack one open for you myself.
6yo—Mommy, what are you talking about?

3yo--NOW are the cookies ready? You should check them. Let’s check them.
6yo—I’ll check them for you. I’ll be careful
Me—Get away from the oven
6yo—Mommy, I SAID I’d be CAREFUL
Me—everybody out. Out of my kitchen! Vamoose! Au revoir! Auf wiedersehen!
6yo—Are you saying Korean stuff again? You’re not Korean, only Ahpa is Korean.

The cookies were delicious. Oatmeal chocolate chip. They go very nicely with beer.


Spartacus said...

CDP - And you think this conversation won't happen another 5 or 10 years from now? This was too funny!

Worker Mommy said...

Oh I know this scenario all too well.
And I'm so diggin that you don't give your kids pop either. My friends think I'm a nut because I don't allow my kids to have it.

Wyldth1ng said...

Your six year old is going to be a litigator one day.

CDP said...

Spartacus--I know; the subject will change, but the back and forth will continue.

WM--I do my best with that; my husband thinks it's OK for them to have it occasionally; I'd prefer that they didn't have it at all. When they do have some, it's sprite or 7 up; I really don't allow them to have caffeine (check out your west coast self with the "pop". We call it "soda" here)

Wyld--I know; I really dread middle and high school for that reason!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I laughed so hard at "when has the answer to that question ever been anything but no".

I wasn't allowed to drink soda when I was a kid either and my dad worked for a soda company. I feel your kid's pain (but totally understand your position).

Suze's Sass said...

I promise if you come over and cook, I will not interrupt you in my kitchen. And I will wait patiently for the cookies.

CDP said...

Lady--and I use that line on him all the time, he hates it (tee hee)

Suze--OK! (But I bet you'll ask at least once if the cookies are ready)

enc said...

Oh boy, does this sound familiar. The circumstances are slightly different, but it's ringing some bells. Almost-12's birthday is coming up, and there have been some very interesting conversations around here regarding that subject.

CDP said...

enc--6yo's birthday is coming soon too--he informed me this morning (after asking "when is my birthday again?") that "Lego has some new products!".

BeckEye said...

Did you put those cookies in the mail yet? Huh? Huh? Didja?

CDP said...

Sure, BeckEye. FedEx, overnight, just let me know if they don't arrive tomorrow.

WendyB said...


CDP said...

WendyB--and this was just a summary...the little one asked about the cookie status at least 20 times more.

dguzman said...

As Spartacus said, this scenario will happen MANY more times, many years from now. They'll just use bigger words and be more insistent that THEY know better than you.

enc said...

Hilarious! He doesn't even know when his own birthday is. Imagine the fun you could have messing with him on that one!

I'm E-vil.

CDP said...

enc--I've learned that there is definitely an element of psychological warfare in successful motherhood. (I guess I'm e-vil too. Mwah ha ha!)

Freida Bee said...

My 8 year-old son asks me if he can sit in the passenger seat of our van, to which I always say no and then the, "Well, Daddy (who has a pickup) let's me." He asks every time and I say no every time. I understand the coke scenario all too well.

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