Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Keeping it Real

An only partially rhetorical question:
How hard should it be for a woman to find a rubber snake? Is this not a household staple? Why, when I'm shopping at my local Target, should I not be able to accost the nearest person in a red shirt, ask "excuse me, where are the rubber snakes?" and be immediately directed to them?

Let me start at the beginning. 7yo wanted to be Indiana Jones for Hallowe'en. Surprisingly, this was A-OK with the 4yo, who decided to be a Transformer, "Ochimus Prime" to be exact. Sadly, he only got to wear his costume for a quick run to a couple of our close neighbors and friends, as he was suffering with pneumonia. 7yo, on the other hand, was in perfect health and ready for a full slate of Hallowe'en events, starting with his school party, proceeding to a birthday-slash-Hallowe'en party for a swim teammate, followed nearly immediately by trick or treating. The costume was important.

You may recall that under ordinary circumstances, the 7yo does not care what he wears. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. He doesn't care AT ALL. In seven and a half years during which I've laid clothes out for him daily, he has never once objected to anything I've chosen for him to wear. His little brother negotiates almost daily for a different shirt, or different pants (his latest object of hatred is jeans. Having reconciled himself to long pants, which he still rolls up to his thighs, he insists on "the REAL long pants!" Jeans are NOT the REAL long pants.) So, when I showed 7yo the elements of his costume, including
1. Khaki pants
2. White oxford shirt
3. Dark brown corduroy jacket
4. Camera bag
5. Whip (this was a birthday gift from my sister to the 4yo, who graciously loaned it for the costume), I was rather surprised to see him carefully examine each item. The only time he looks at a piece of clothing is when he's putting it on in the morning, to ensure that the tag is in the back, and he doesn't always bother with that. Who is this child scrutinizing the buttons on the shirt and the texture of the jacket? The texture was the first source of concern.

"Mommy", he said, "this jacket is not shiny. Indiana Jones' jacket is made of shiny stuff. "

"Yes", I said. "That's called 'leather'. You don't have a leather jacket, and my budget does not allow for the purchase of one for the sake of Halloween costume authenticity."

"This bag is black. It's not supposed to be black. It's supposed to be brown."

"I know, but trust me, the effect is the same. You're looking for an overall effect, not perfection in every detail".

"What kind of shirt does he wear? Is this the right kind of shirt? I don't know if this is the right kind of shirt". (Here began a search for a magazine that he knew had an ad for the Indiana Jones DVD. Magazine is found and careful comparison between the pictured shirt and the actual shirt reveals that it is in fact the right kind of shirt! Excellent!) And the hat had already been fully vetted and pronounced acceptable.

So back to the snake. Having failed to find a snake at Target (no toy guns there either. There are toys that represent every other form of mayhem, INCLUDING A DIE CAST REPLICA OF THE ENOLA GAY, but no guns. Just as well, I'm afraid that a toy gun worn to school as part of a Halloween costume would have landed the poor child on the wrong side of a zero-tolerance policy. Second grade is too early for expulsion, let alone a record), I searched CVS, the local dollar store, and the party store, finally locating a perfectly serviceable rubber snake. My idea, approved as hilarious by my husband, was to attach the snake to the back of the jacket with a cartoon bubble saying "BOO!", because Indiana Jones is afraid of snakes. Here was where my son drew the line.

Black camera bag instead of brown? Hmmm.

Corduroy jacket, not leather? OK, I guess it will have to do.

No gun? Well, at least I have the right hat.

Rubber snake? NO WAY! Indiana Jones WOULD NOT walk around with a snake yelling "boo" attached to his back! Nothing could convince him that an element of humor is always desirable in a Hallowe'en costume, and I guess this is the fundamental difference in the view of Hallowe'en between adults and children. For them, this is not an opportunity to look silly or outrageous or to get a laugh. Hallowe'en is when they get to BE something else. While authenticity in every detail might not be possible, they're certainly not willing to consent to any alterations just for a laugh. I mean, really. If you were a scheming Nazi or a ruthless KGB agent, how seriously could you take a guy with a rubber snake velcroed to his back? So we played the Indiana Jones costume straight, and even with the jacket and bag, everyone knew immediately who he was supposed to be. But despite the insistence on correct attire and accessories, he was willing to make an exception for the plastic pumpkin for the candy. That camera bag wasn't nearly big enough to carry the boy's fair share of KitKats and Skittles.

28 comments:

BeckEye said...

I'll have you know that I have plenty of rubber snakes, of all shapes and sizes. Some of them even vibrate.

The Guv'ner said...

Dude, you had me also at "rubber snake". I know you said some other words afterwards but the rubber snake tickled my funnies and I forgot the rest.

Sauntering Soul said...

Your son is hysterical!

For future reference, I saw rubber snakes in a gardening store in Gatlinburg, TN last January. I bought one and snuck it in my brother and sister-in-law's bed in the cabin we stayed in because my sister-in-law is terrified of reptiles and I'm a smartass. It didn't go over well. But I doubt you want to travel all the way to Gatlinburg for part of a costume, huh? Sadly, my snake wasn't allowed to come back to Atlanta with me or you could borrow it.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You got ME at Kitkats and Skittles. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I have to brave the snow to go get candy. Grrrowl.

Too funny though.

dguzman said...

Yo, don't be gettin' all up his grill cuz he's tryin' ta keep it reals, yo.

Stephanie said...

It is funny you mention this, because I just had this SAME PROBLEM. My 7yo wanted an Indy birthday party - I went to no less than 8 stores before finally locating rubber snakes. Who knew? I was so thrilled that I ended up with 92 for the snake pit (12 large, 80 small).

CDP said...

Beckeye--I bet Indiana Jones is afraid of those, too.

Guv'ner--it's definitely a funny phrase all in itself.

Sauntering Soul--well, obviously Georgia is a civilized place, since rubber snakes are easily obtained.

VA--I could not live in a place where I had to worry about snow in early November.

Dguzman--I'm up in that kid's grill until he's 21.

Stephanie--I couldn't have created a snake pit, what with the dearth of rubber snakes. You'd think they'd been put on the ration. Sheesh.

enc said...

Both your sons are right divas in different (masculine) ways.

pistols at dawn said...

I had this same problem with my kids, as long as you replace "kids" with "friends" and "this same problem" with "drinking problem" and this comment with one that makes sense.

Gnugs said...

I think my favorite Halloween was when my mother was out of town, and at a loss of creativity, my father dressed my brother and myself up like wino's and thought it would be funny if we all pretended to be drunk and went around the same block repeatedly.

Needless to say, we were all grounded when mommy got home.

CDP said...

enc--I know!

Pistols--That made perfect sense to me. I always consider the source when reading comments.

Gnugs--that's hilarious! Although I might not think it was that funny if my husband did that with my kids. At the very least, I'd feel obligated to feign outrage.

3carnations said...

Sorry your little guy didn't get to fully enjoy being Optimus Prime. My son actually had another boy dressed as Bumblebee start following him for a bit while we were trick or treating. It's hard to be the leader of the autobots!

DCup said...

I'm sorry the rubber snake was vetoed. Please tell me that he let it ride along, coiled in the bottom of the plastic pumpkin!

themom said...

The DOLLAR STORE. I found oodles of them when thegrandson just had to have one. Well, he got a dozen.

CDP said...

3Carnations--Heavy is the head that wears the crown, right? Especially when it's a Transformer, which probably has a pretty heavy head to begin with.

Dcup--I didn't even think of that! It would have been excellent!

Themom--our dollar store let me down; the party store, which was heavily stocked with Hallowe'en stuff, came through with the snakes.

Anonymous said...

三重房屋 , 三重賣屋 , 三重賣屋 , , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿

Anonymous said...

民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 , 徵信社 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 尋人 , 尋人 , 尋人 , 尋人 , 離婚 , 外遇 , 離婚 , 外遇 , 徵信社 , 外遇 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 尋人 , 離婚 , 尋人偵探 , 偵探 , 三重房屋 , 三重買屋 , 三重賣屋 , 花蓮民宿 , 花蓮民宿 ,

Anonymous said...

徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 尋人 , 尋人 , 尋人 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 徵信 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 感情挽回

Anonymous said...

感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 徵信社 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計公司 , 網頁設計公司 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計

Anonymous said...

網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , SEO , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 網頁設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 廣告設計 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶

Anonymous said...

包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 包二奶 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦

Anonymous said...

抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 大陸抓姦 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚

Anonymous said...

離婚證人, 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚證人 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 離婚協議 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 婚外情 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴

Anonymous said...

抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 抓猴 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 感情挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回

Anonymous said...

婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 婚姻挽回 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 外遇問題 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌

Anonymous said...

出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 出軌 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 監護權 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 偷腥 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查 , 工商調查

Anonymous said...

工商調查 , 工商調查 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網 , 中信房屋711房仲網抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 抓姦 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 離婚 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 外遇 , 偵探

Anonymous said...

三重房屋 , 三重賣屋 , 三重賣屋 , , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿 , 民宿

All material on this blog copyright CDP 2007-2010 unless otherwise noted.