Hey! My paper seems to have written itself, thoughtfully including complete Chicago-style documentation! And I’ll be damned if the house hasn’t cleaned itself too…that’s the first time in four years that the windows have been washed! I think I’ll wait until about 3:30 pm on Thursday, because I don’t see any reason why the Thanksgiving dinner won’t cook and serve itself too!
(waits for a bit, comes back)
No, that didn’t work. I was testing my powers of positive thought; apparently, they suck. Meanwhile, sitting here blogging isn’t going to help me get any of this done, so I think I’ll sit here and blog, amusing myself with random observations about random things, chosen completely at random!
-I’ve been Christmas shopping at Etsy; has anyone else noticed that there seem to be an extraordinary number of artists who specialize in very cute bird paintings and prints? It’s like a self-consciously quirky online modern folk-art aviary.
-Have you seen that completely freaky commercial for a migraine medication, the one in which desperate migraine sufferers actually remove their heads? It’s an advertising acknowledgement of the phenomenon I refer to as “dueling migraines”. (Please accept my apologies if you are a migraine sufferer and this comes across as snarky. I get migraines, too, but I’m fortunate in that I only have them twice a year or so.) Anyway, as the women in this commercial describe the searing unbearable pain of their respective migraines, I wonder what it is about that particular ailment that lends itself to competitive suffering. Every conversation about migraines that I have ever witnessed has involved an astonishing level of one-upmanship. Sufferer #1 says that her migraines are devastatingly painful. Sufferer #2 says that HER migraines are not only devastatingly painful, they’re completely debilitating. Sufferer #1 then says that HERS are debilitating too; when she has one, she can’t do anything but lie down in a darkened room. Sufferer #2 smugly says that she only WISHES that lying down in a darkened room could relieve her pain. Sufferer #1, now slightly defensive, says that her migraine pain can be compared only to cranial impalement with a flaming iron spike. Sufferer #2 then delivers the final and crushing blow, revealing that her migraines are caused by ACTUAL flaming iron spikes driven through her head, which can be removed only with surgical intervention. Sufferer #1, acknowledging defeat, skulks away.
-Are you acquainted with anyone who insists on telling stories about family, friends, or neighbors, referring to those people by their first names with no preface or explanation, as if you are expected to know them as well as the speaker? I have worked with someone with this habit for four years now, and I learned very quickly that the only proper response is to nod knowingly when she refers in conversation to “Jessica” or “Marvin”, because asking who those people are will lead to an answer of really just unacceptable length.
Enough of this. I need to get back to Jimmy, Hamilton, and Zbig now. You know how they are. You don’t? Sit down and I’ll tell you.