Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Astonishingly Bad Post--Sinking to New Blogging Depths


I don’t have anything substantial to write about today and as always, that will not stop me. Won’t even slow me down. (oh go to hell, Word, I KNOW that’s a fragment). I was thinking about a theme post. Possible themes:

Pet Peeves
No, I’m far too good-natured to burden you all with my raving over petty annoyances and minor inconveniences. Andy Rooney is still around, right? OK, that’s his job. Well, one thing…I do hate getting the ends of my sleeves wet when I wash my hands. I always roll the sleeves up, and they’re always wet. Another hazard of winter. (Seriously, Word, go RIGHT TO HELL, OK?) OK, that is out of my system now.

Favorite Things
Well, I could, but they’d be the same as always. Tea, books, beer, chocolate, fancy skincare products, handbags, movies, flowers…the particulars change, but the categories remain consistent. I like some stuff. The end.

Things Past
Nothing really occurs to me right now. OK, one thing, and I’m not sure why, but I keep thinking about it. When I was a freshman in high school, we had a student council election. As freshmen in October, we didn’t know each other that well, so no one person really stood out among the 15 or so who were running. Then, one of the 15 decided to hand out homemade buttons and to hang posters made with poster board, magic marker, and glitter. Her brilliant campaign slogan? “If you want to be a lady, vote for Donna Spady!” It might not have been quite as effective if ours hadn’t been an all-girls school, but it was, and Donna Spady won by a landslide. Remember, we didn’t really know each other yet, so everyone voted for the name they remembered. I have no idea where Donna Spady is today, but I remember her name. (Fame! I want to live forever! That lyric just popped into my head as soon as I typed "remember her name" and you have no idea how hard I'm laughing at myself right now. I'm ridiculous).


Politics
I’m not really inspired or outraged by anything in particular right now.
Well, OK, one thing.
Hey, Barack Obama? Could you have spared ONE DAY to campaign in Georgia? I’m all for the “governing in a bipartisan manner” thing, but campaigning is not governing. Campaigning is one side versus the other side, and someone has to win and someone has to lose. Not only that, but now that Saxby Chambliss has swooped in and saved the Republicans from the dreaded “filibuster-proof” majority, he’s going to feel duty-bound to launch the first filibuster of the 111th Congress, and who wants to hear that?

School
No. Except that I have a final on Friday night. I have to study. That is all.

Children

Yes, a conversation and a story.
Conversation:
7yo: I can feel it, but I can’t see it!
Me: What can’t you see?
7yo: My mustache! I can feel that it’s there, but I can’t see it!
Me: Just as well. I’m not sure our insurance will cover an endocrinologist
7yo: What?

Story:
We have a boxed set of Peanuts holiday specials on DVD, and the 4yo is especially fond of Snoopy. As you are no doubt aware, Snoopy often fantasizes about being a World War I flying ace, bravely facing the Red Baron in fierce aerial combat. 4yo now insists on wearing a hat with ear flaps, swimming goggles, and a scarf while he watches Snoopy, because he too is a “War war one flyinace”.

So, that’s all. You thought I was kidding when I said that I was all written out? Refer to the title before you send me your complaints about the three minutes of your life that I just wasted. The management can assume no responsibility.

21 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

HAHAHA you're 7yo is aiming to be Tom Selleck! Get him a Hawaiian shirt, stat!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

YOUR. YOUR. Good God above...

WendyB said...

I am never going to forget the name Spady now. My name is..my name is...Slim Spady!

Michaéle said...

No wet sleeves here, either. And I want to kill someone each time I put on my dishwashing gloves (Yes, the bright yellow kind!) to do dishes and find that they are wet inside. Ick and gross. Seriously. Homocide IS an option when that happens because it is gross and a horrible surprise and drying those things out is a pain in the arse.

DCup said...

Yes, but is 4yo wearing all that gear with the pants rolled up?

And did you have to mention the dim-bulb Chambliss and filibuster in the same breath? My left boob just fell off at the thought of that.

And that was the good one!

3carnations said...

I like the way you separate your "nothing to write about" into categories. :)

Suze said...

I thought I was the only one that hated getting my sleeves wet while doing the dishes. I also absolutely hate to run out of staples. That bugs me to no end when that happens.

Phew, I'm all better now.

CDP said...

Veggie--I knew what you meant!

WendyB--HA! That's even funnier than the Fame song!

Michaele--you are a tough woman.

Dcup--oh my gosh, put it back on! You'll be all lopsided!

3carn--I can categorize anything!

Suze--I'm glad you feel better

Sauntering Soul said...

I tried. I promise I tried. I stopped on my way home from work and cast a vote for Jim Martin. Unfortunately, not enough other Georgians did so.

enc said...

It is my determination that this post is a hoax.

It is an impossibility that there is a real person named Saxby Chambliss.

No possibility at all. The name is too preposterous.

That is all.

FranIAm said...

Skin care products..........

You know we share that obsession. I stopped reading there and went into a sephora inspired coma.

themom said...

I'm picturing the 7yo in his war-time flying gear...sensational.

rcubed said...

what enc said...I can't believe someone named their kid saxby effing chambliss. maybe it sounds better with a southern accent?

Dusty said...

Gawd bless those skincare products!!!!!!

And your wonderful child. ;)

CDP said...

SS--you did your part!

enc--I know! That was the subject of comments at Dcup's place...whose mama names him "Saxby" especially when you've already saddled him with "Chambliss"?

themom--it was actually the four year old, who is much given to costumes and accessories, especially things hanging from his waistband.

Fran--I haven't been in Sephora for months...it's calling my name!

rcubed--you're back! yay!

Dusty--thanks!

dguzman said...

Boy, between your categorized nothingness and these comments, I'm thinking this is one of the best posts I've read today!

Any ANYTHING with Snoopy is perfection. That's a law.

Stephanie said...

Two things:

1) Thanks for that earworm... Fame! (fame!) I'm gonna live forever! I'm gonna learn how to fly! (high!). Yeah - that one's gonna stick, I fear...

2) BWAHAHAHA!!! That must be the CUTEST thing I've heard in some time. You simply must post a pic of your resident Red Baron.

whoissecretdubai said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BeckEye said...

When I used to "blog" on MySpace, I had a recurring thing on there, "Pet Peeve of the Week." I gave it up, but not because I ran out of pet peeves. That will never happen. I gave it up because, well, it was MySpace and I wasn't a pedophile or a horrible band, so I was just taking up space.

Utah Savage said...

I loved this categorized non post. You have a real gift for the post about "nothing." If I knew how to fashion an award you would get it this instant. I too want a picture of the four year old in the red baron gear actually watching snoopy. Video, pod cast, whatever.

And I have had to live alone to avoid putting my hands in yellow rubber gloves that some idiot has ruined. I know this come from the comment thread and not your post, but see all the emotion you have stired up here?

pistols at dawn said...

I remember loving "Peanuts" as a child, but now...it's amazingly average. If it weren't for that great song, it'd be nothing.

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