Friday, December 5, 2008

The Bloggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

Does it say more about me, or about Roger Simon of Politico, that I think he bears an absolutely astonishing resemblance to a SpongeBob character? Purely rhetorical question. Of course.

I'm leaving in about an hour to take my final. All essays, all handwritten, and that's why this post, like so many before it, will be total crap. I have only so much decent writing in me, and today it all needs to be dedicated to the keep-my-4.0 effort. I think I'm ready; I've written some practice answers on anticipated questions.

Cuban Missile Crisis
Kennedy Roberts (McFarlane and Kennedy) blah blah blah Castro Turkey ICBM Khrushchev (here's where I'll run into some trouble--I spell Khruschev at least three different ways, and I'm not certain that any of them are correct) blah blah blockade and hotline hot cha cha cha.


Pentagon Papers blah blah Plumbers blibbity blah Archibald Cox blah blah Deep Throat (not that one, the other one) I hereby resign the office blah blah blah.

Ho Chi Minh (if I had a list of historical events and names of historic figures and used them in place of common expletives and exclamations, and I'm not saying that I DO, but if I DID, "Ho Chi Minh" would be a good name to use: "Oh Ho Chi Minh!") blah blah quagmire blah blah General Westmoreland blah blah blah destroy the village in order to save it blibbity blah Tonkin Gulf blah blah Tet Offensive blah blah blah Dien Bien Phu

I have similar sample answers prepared for every other major historical event that took place between 1945 and 2005. I'm going for concise but complete.


enc said...

There's no way you won't get an "A" and maintain your 4.0 with those quality answers.

Bon chance!

pistols at dawn said...

Indeed, best to you. Here's hoping he doesn't throw you for a loop and ask about the importance of the Korean War and you turn that into a story about how you always have to yell at your husband to pick up his socks.

Remember: 1950 la la la MacArthur, limited war, Inchon blah blah blah 38th parallel la de frickin' da Eisenhower, 1953, boring.

FranIAm said...

You are so smart, you will ace it.

If not, we will beat the professor to a bloody pulp.

Matty Boy said...

"Ho Chi Minh!" is an excellent expletive. Personally, I use "Moses!" instead of "Jesus!" to placate Those People, and when extra invective is called for, I use the alliteration of "Moses Malone!"

Being a mathematician, I could also use "Shing Shen Chern!", but then I'd have to 'splain.

CDP said...

enc--merci! I think it went OK, more later.

Pistols--that cracked me up. Seriously, though, that would have been bad had I gotten the Korean War question, then spent six pages on my mother-in-law's serious objections to her son's marrying me (first Korean word I learned? Whore. Srsly.) and then been all "oh. She meant THAT Korean War. Damn it.)

Fran--Thank you! I will do the same for you should your paper come back with anything less than an A. Wait, is your instructor a priest? Cause then I might just have to give him a piece of my mind.

Matty--"Moses Malone" is excellent! You know, there's a huge statue of Moses (biblical) outside the Mann Music Center in Philadelphia; he's holding the Ten Commandments in one hand and the other is reaching up to the sky...when Moses Malone came to Philadelphia, people kept climbing up the statue and tying basketballs to it. And was Shing Shen Chern ever a Wednesday Math subject?

Matty Boy said...

Shing Shen Chern has NOT been mentioned on Wednesday Math, though I have been toying with it. He is the greatest mathematician China has ever produced, and in math genealogy, I am his bastard grandson.

An exciting sneak preview!

whoissecretdubai said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Does your cruelty know no bounds?

Per Roger Simon (sadly and pathetically) I've gotten so good at recognizing the voices of some of the talking heads, I can pick them out without looking.

However, whenever Mr. Squarepants is on, I must confirm with MathMan by asking "Is that Roger Simon and his chin beard?"

So your suggestion that he's a dead ringer for Spongebob is now another piece of the puzzle that is Roger Simon of Politico.

Really - I think we should get lives. What do you think?

CDP said...

Dcup--no, he looks nothing at all like SpongeBob himself...another character. If you can get hold of the episode titled "Mrs. Puff, You're Fired" (maybe on YouTube?), watch it and then email me and tell me which character I'm talking'll see it immediately. What was that you said about needing a life?

Anonymous said...

I know you did well on the final. I was at some Military function and this old guy said he had been in Korea. I said, "Oh yeah? I was there in 1990." He said, "I meant the war." Oops, my bad.

CDP said...

Suze--well, you were in the Air Force then, right? You could have just said "well it's not MY fault we weren't having a war there then. Sheesh."

Distributorcap said...

i am sure you got an A

themom said...

With your writing skills, I have faith that you will do astonishingly well. Then you can kick back and enjoy the Holidays. Good luck to you.

themom said...

With your writing skills, I have faith that you will do astonishingly well. Then you can kick back and enjoy the Holidays. Good luck to you.

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