Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Oh, and you know what else?

Remember when I told you that I was far too good-natured to use this blog to vent spleen about minor annoyances? Yeah, that was a big fat lie. I’m cranky today. And there are a few things that are exacerbating the crankiness. The crankitude has been dialed up to 11 today, and this shit isn’t helping. I regard all of the following with utter disdain (holla, enc).

I have had just about enough of the insidious seepage of this vile word into every facet of life, from idiot pundits who suggest that developing countries or obscure politicians need to rebrand themselves to moron career consultants who tell hapless jobhunters to use their resumes as “branding tools”. The word itself is bad enough; what’s worse is the dreary idea that if it isn’t marketed, it doesn’t exist. Bah.

I realize that this is a sacred religious symbol in some Native American cultures. I just don’t like it as a decorative motif. I thought that it had all but disappeared from tshirts, dangly earrings and framed gift shop prints, but it appears to have found new and undeserved life on Etsy. When I was living in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware in the early 90s, you couldn’t walk down the street without bumping into someone wearing a kokopelli-themed item. Usually, the “sweatshirt ladies” were the biggest offenders.

What? Well, I’m glad you asked. The “sweatshirt ladies”, so named by me in a term which spread like wildfire among my snotty friends, were middle-aged ladies (and know that right now, I do not exclude myself in any way when I use the term “middle-aged”. But that was then.) who nearly always wore pastel-colored embroidered or appliqued sweatshirts, thick-soled running shoes, and folk-arty handmade jewelry, often featuring a kokopelli. I’m not nearly as insufferably snide as I was then (but I’d still laugh at anyone wearing a pastel embroidered sweatshirt).

Any use at all of the words “Bliss”, “Accountability”, or “Czar” except in discussions of the rulers of Imperial Russia.
These words are hereby stricken from the language. Anyone who wishes to use them should apply to me for a permit. And keep in mind, these permits are bleeping valuable things, I’m not just going to bleeping give them away, know what I mean? (and how sick am I ALREADY of hearing about Chicago politicians and their alleged “corruption”? There are politicians all over the city of Philadelphia who are laughing their asses off right now at the very idea that any other city could produce anything even worthy of the name “corruption”.)


Falwless said...

I had no idea that that symbol had a name. God, the shit I learn from this blog could.. well, could fill up a post-it note, I tell ya.

Vegetable Assassin said...

YES! Kokopellis is evil. It is also very '80s in design context and not good 80s either. I think I once had a cheap silver ring with the symbols on because I thought it was very ethnic and native but then I bought some taste. Ha!

enc said...

WendyB and I are convinced that Blagokokopellijevich is wearing a wighat. (Did you know that "blag" in London slang means the same thing as "" As in: "Blag your way past the doorman!")

I already knew what a "sweatshirt lady" was,

and: Je detest le "branding." I wish it dead, and I join you in looking upon it with utter disdain.

I also appreciate you trying to imbue my middle-aged/middle-classed dweebness with some street cred by using nice, modern day slang in the form of "holla."

Matty Boy said...

It's okay to wear the cranky pants from time to time. We all need it.

I wrote an anti-czar post when Douglas Lute was named war czar back in May 2007. Not specifically against Gen. Lute, but against the word czar in general.

Princess Sparkle Pony railed against the kokopellis when visiting the Southwest.

There can never be enough people complaining about the evil of the world.

themom said...

I am past middle age now and have no clue what a kokopelli symbol is. Yippee for me!!! My friends would wear the embroidered sweatshirts and clunky sneakers though. I probably dress much younger than I should - but I have never marched to someone else's drummer. You go girl - get it off your chest.

Cool verification word: czarti

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I benignly acknowledge your utter disdain and I raise you a bemused smirk.

Anonymous said...

I think you're beautiful when you're cranky.

Carry on. Please.

The Guv'ner said...

Cranky is this year's black!

pistols at dawn said...

Ha ha ha, living in Rehoboth Beach. The mere concept of that makes me want to buy an iron version of that guy and beat myself to death with it.

After buying 12 shirts telling the world how much I'm going to drink and about my job as a Female Body Inspector, of course.

All right, I'm mostly thinking of Ocean City. But still.

CDP said...

Fal--smart-ass kids. You know perfectly well that you've learned a shitload of useful stuff on my blog.

VA--If you had the kokopelli ring before say 1995 AND you were a teenager, you're totally excused.

enc--TOTALLY a wighat! And I knew you'd be down with the "holla".

Matty--"czar" has been a real target of hatred for me for a long time; it's just made an unwanted comeback because of the Detroit bailout thing. And I'll come and see your post on that, and PSP's on kokopellis---I thought I was nearly alone in my hatred for kokopellis.

themom--I know just from reading you that you wouldn't be caught dead in a pastel sweatshirt.

Dr. M--I see your bemused smirk and raise you a sardonic lift of the eyebrow.

Dcup--I might! I have a few other things that I might need to discuss at some length.

Guv--and it's not making a comeback, because it's ALWAYS in style.

Pistols--ha ha! It was fun for a little while, but nothing could induce me to move back there. Not even a collection of "Coed Naked (Insert Sport) Team" t-shirts.

Sauntering Soul said...

I received some kokopelli earrings as a gift once. But I've never worn them even once. Please don't tell my brother and sister-in-law that they wasted their money.

I've begged my mom to never, ever become a "sweatshirt lady". This begging is normally done when we've stopped in Cracker Barrel on a roadtrip somewhere and I see her eyeing a yellow sweatshirt with a birdhouse on the front of it in their shopping area. As soon as I hear the words "this is kind of cute" coming out of her mouth I swing into action and tell her how old and frumpy and (this one is the kicker) GRANDMOTHERLY she'll look. It works like a charm. Rest assured I am preventing at least one sweatshirt lady from invading America.

mongoliangirl said...

Exactly! Bag-o-bitch and the rest of the Chicago politicians are amazingly pussified with their so-called 'corruption'. You should also take applications to ask for permission to use the word 'corrupt'.

CDP said...

SS--good for you for not violating your earlobes with those earrings, and for doing your best to keep Georgia clear of "sweatshirt ladies". You got 99 problems in Georgia, but a sweatshirt lady ain't one.

Mongoliangirl--excellent idea! I'm going to get on that now!

Beck said...

Hee hee. There's just so much to be crabby about these days that even the best natured among us tend to snap occasionally, right?

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