Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Fourth Estate

As a very high-profile and powerful public figure, I'm often subjected to grueling scrutiny by the news media. Just today, I was interrogated by the infamously tough investigative journalist 3Carnations. Oh well, one can't avoid the press forever.

1. I understand that you are currently on a quest for employment. What would your dream job (realistic or otherwise) be?
I'm interested in a lot of things, but a highly paid writing assignment (followed by many more highly-paid writing assignments) would be perfect.

2. How many children did you envision having before you had children? Did you imagine boys/girls/combination thereof?

I went through stages. Sometimes I thought I'd have lots of children, other times, I thought I'd be lucky to have one. I have two, both boys, and I didn't care if they were boys or girls. It is nice to have two of the same...they share a room very happily, and the little one (despite his well-known reputation as a fashion icon) doesn't mind hand-me-downs.

3. My son likes sandwiches with just peanut butter; his friend likes sandwiches with just jelly. If you had to give up the PB or the J on your sandwich (and would not be able to add something else), which would you give up?

I would give up the jelly, absolutely. I usually only like peanut butter on a spoon, but I will occasionally eat a PB sandwich, as long as the bread is very fresh. My older son also likes just plain peanut butter sandwiches.

4.What was your favorite movie as a teenager? Is it still your favorite?

I had pretty typical teenage taste when it came to movies. I loved "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (and I still like it), "Taps", "The Lords of Discipline", etc. I also liked some old movies, due to my mother's influence. She sat me down to watch the original "The Producers" when I was 11 or so, and I thought it was the funniest thing ever put on film. I still think it's in the top ten. She used to call me when I was babysitting and tell me "turn on channel X, there's a movie you should see." I always did, and I was never disappointed. This is how I saw "The Trouble with Angels", "Auntie Mame", "The Philadelphia Story", "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", and I'm sure there were others.

5. When is the last time you got a haircut?

Just a few weeks ago; I even blogged about it right here. It's grown in quite a bit since then.

I'm hopeful that now that I've submitted to an interview, 3Carn will stop following me with a microphone and a camera crew. Mike Wallace could take her correspondence course.


pidomon said...

What an impossible choice the PB or the J?
Not sure I could make that one even with a gun to my head!

Loved the original Producers. I was sharing and APT with a younger couple and it came on and I was all like "THIS IS A GREAT MOVIE" and after 2o minutes they went to bed lol

pistols at dawn said...

I usually just install a webcam in the shower of the lady I'm interviewing, but I suppose letting them know they're being interviewed could work, too.

FranIAm said...

The Producers- oh you.

And it is always about the peanut butter.


susan said...

'Springtime for Hitler' is a great song. Anyhow, I'm glad you were chased down by 3carnations' media team since you've given answers long thought impossible to obtain other than with the use of 'enhanced' techniques.

I loved the scene in 'Fast Times' when Sean Penn had the pizza delivered to his desk. I knew a few guys at school like that.

Oh, btw, I tagged you :-)

Sauntering Soul said...

I think I would go with the all jelly sandwich. You know, salmonella and all that good stuff.

3carnations said...

Great answers. I couldn't get ahold of one member of my paparazzi team, so ignore the guy following you around in the blue VW Beetle. Or, if you get close enough, tell him "The cheese stands alone." He'll know what you mean, and you won't have any more trouble with him after that.

BeckEye said...

I was going to remind you about the salmonella outbreak, but SS beat me to it.

Personally, I like Crunchy Jif with Extra Salmonella, so I don't see what the big deal is.

Lisa said...

For the life of me, I cannot understand how TMZ has not dispatched an entire crew to follow you about. When I really think about it, I can see a very well-produced special (possibly leading to a series)starring you and your family. There would have to be whole episodes devoted to techniques for changing clothes in locker rooms. The fashion icon himself would likely end up with a spin-off.

Jon and Kate? Puhleeeze. CDP and The Boyz? Instant hit.

dguzman said...

It's not 3Carn's fault that we the public are out here clamoring for more information on you. Just deal with it.

CDP said...

Pidomon--easy choice for me--jelly belongs only on plain toast.

Pistols--that's a viable approach.

Fran--I never even bothered to see the new one!

Susan--OK, I'm coming right over there today!

SS--OK, that might be something to think about!

3Carn---that guy kept following me yelling "it's snowink een Berleen" in a bogus German accent. Now I know what the correct response is!

BeckEye--Try the Norovirus Enriched Skippy. Yum.

Lisa--ha! If I had a camera crew following me all day, I'd be even less pleasant than she is...of course, that would make great TV, wouldn't it? Hmmmm.

Dguzman--yes, I've become resigned to the downside of my enormous popular appeal. Sigh.

enc said...

3carn really knows how to ask the tough questions!

CDP said...

enc--don't let her get wind of that Ponzi scheme we cooked up, OK? We'll never get her off our trail.

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