Monday, June 22, 2009

Do Tell, Ms. Lonelyhearts

Two bits of advice, the second of which may or may not be based upon actual events:

Summer Advice

The phenomenon known popularly as "brain freeze" is completely avoidable, as I have explained many times to my children, who ignore their mother's counsel and suffer as a result. Here is what you do: Take a bite of your ice cream, or your Slurpee, or your water ice, and hold it in your mouth for a few moments before you swallow it. Your frozen treat is then slightly warmed, so that when you swallow it, your brain stays at room temperature.

Relationship Advice

If your wife or significant other is explaining a series of events, you should avoid instructing her to "stick to the facts and don't give me editorial comments". Because I promise you that she will respond to this instruction with a far more lengthy and opinionated editorial comment than you would have received had you just allowed her to tell the story her way, thankyouverymuch.

Additional unsolicited advice will be offered occasionally, on an "as-it-occurs-to-me" basis. Meanwhile, feel free to submit your pressing questions in the comments, and I will do my best to provide personalized advice.

13 comments:

Gifted Typist said...

I live with a pedant, who occasionally indulges in free form instruction and explanation, I bite my lip, as I know he means no harm, but man, it can be demanding

Heather T said...

preach it, sister. sometimes the most obvious truths are so easily overlooked, no?

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I get the worst ice burn when I drink margaritas. I get it in the chest though not the head. Every time it happens and every time I am SURE I'm going to die. It's that painful. Drinking water helps it though for the same reason you mentioned - slight warming.

Steve said...

I've been told by many people they are waiting for my brain to unfreeze.
Any suggestions are appreciated :)

dguzman said...

If you do get the brain freeze, the fastest way to thaw out and end the pain is to cup your hands over your face and breathe warm air into them. It'll warm you up.

enc said...

If saying "just stick to the facts" is not on, how do I tell someone to "get to the point!?!?!?"

LOL. Just kidding.

I love your brain freeze advice. If my kids kept getting brain freezes because they ignored logic, then I'd say "fine, eat your frozen treat any way you like, get a brain freeze, but I don't want to hear about it!" Then their brains would turn to blocks of ice, and rattle around in their little heads.

BeckEye said...

I only got brain freeze once in my life, a few years ago. I never knew what people were talking about when they said that, so I assumed they were just being dramatic. I'll tell you what though...when that thing hit, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE! Seriously.

Words Words Words will love this post because he just learned the word "pedant," and he loves to use it.

CDP said...

GT--normally, I bite my lip, too, but the "editorial comment" comment was a step too far. I can't talk without a liberal insertion of editorial commentary.

Heather--I was having a righteous moment.

VA--same rule applies to margaritas, frozen and otherwise. I know from experience.

Steve--:)

dguzman--I'll pass that along. As I never suffer brain freeze myself, I won't actually need to use this remedy. :)

enc--anyone can tell anyone to stick to the facts, with the exception of husbands to wives. Unfair? Possibly, but so is life. So feel free to tell long-winded friends to get to the point, as this injunction does not apply to you.

BeckEye--"pedant" is definitely among the top 25 unintentionally funny words.

Matty Boy said...

It's been decades since I had brain freeze, but I don't eat a lot of ice cream. Back when I was a kid, if I drank a Slurpee and didn't get brain freeze, it was something approaching a miracle.

3carnations said...

Yes! On the relationship advice.

Incidentally - There was an incident in our home last night that resulted in me getting lots of dirty looks and rolled eyes and grumpy comments. About a half hour after the whole thing was done, he sincerely said "Thank for nagging me about that. I didn't want to do it, but it needed to get done." First time I've ever smiled at being called a nag.

3carnations said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

Next time the little scamps don't heed your wisdom, tell them to press their tongue(s) to the roof of their mouth(s). I swear by it.

As for that other stuff - I have nothing to offer since I am married to a perfect gentleman who would never do an imitation of Archie Bunker pretending to hang himself while I tell a story. I know he's just itching for me to give him the silent treatment when he does stuff like that. I loudly do not comply.

WendyB said...

Excellent advice!

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