Sunday, February 21, 2010

So that potholder? You hold a pot with it, right?

Dear CDP,

We're potstickers.  We stick to pots, that's what we do.  You give us a pot, and we'll stick to it with a tenacity that would put a bulldog with a bone to shame. None of us even got through elementary school, let alone more than halfway through the pursuit of a university degree in the English language, but we're smart enough to know what something called a "POT-STICKER"  plans to do. 

Here's the thing, CDP.  We didn't attempt to deceive you.  We didn't try to obscure our true nature.  By our name, we make our intentions quite clear.  So when you cook a bunch of us for potsticker soup, and you then leave us in a big bowl while you chop vegetables, it seems rather foolish (one might say "asinine", or "idiotic", or perhaps "a display of abysmal chumpitude of the highest order") that you would then react with shocked and chagrined outrage when you find that we have, in fact, stuck to the pot.  That name is not symbolic in any way; nor is it an ironic, postmodern challenge to would-be deconstructionists.  Truthfully, we're not that smart (apparently, though, we're smarter than some.)  The name "potsticker" was meant to be interpreted in the most literal sense: 

"Potsticker" = "That which sticks to the pot".

We do apologize for any misunderstanding.  In the future, we'll ask that you remember that when confronted with a pot, any pot, we will stick to it with single-minded determination.  Barnacles will be scraped off the hull of a shipwreck more easily than we will be separated from the pot to which we stick.  It's called a raison d'etre.  Look it up, scholar.

Yours sincerely,
The Potstickers (we stick to pots)


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Dear CDP,
You tell those potstickers to come see me. Bastards, I know just how to deal with them.
And BTW, potsticker soup? Seriously? Madam I think a recipe needs to be posted.
Love, Lady

Steve said...

well at least the postickers were polite in their explaining about teh pot sticking

caitlin.maia said...

just so we're clear...are you trying to tell me that they stuck to the pot?

WendyB said...

They should put "We stick to pots" on their business cards.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I had no idea there was such a thing as potsticker soup. You made me learn something. Damn it.

Sauntering Soul said...

This is a great example of why I don't cook. Unless you consider instant oatmeal to be cooking.

Mauigirl said...

That was hilarious, thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

You have got to see this. Obama playing on XBox. Funniest video ever.

CDP said...

Lady--I told them that some lady in Michigan has a can of potsticker whup-ass just waiting for them.

Steve--you don't think they were just the tiniest bit smart-ass about the whole thing?

Caitlin--you're as quick on the uptake as I am. That's going to really limit your future prospects.

Wendy--I'm going to put it on mine.

Dr. M--are you suggesting that you don't learn something every time you come here?

SS--instant oatmeal also sticks to pots.


BeckEye said...

Ah, but how did they type the letter? They would have had to unstick from the pot for at least a few minutes.

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